First, you’d go insane.
Then you’d start to swear at it.
Then you’d go find torches, screw drivers, a towel, a long broom, then you’d shut the cats out of the room, then you’d start to dismantle the heavy cast iron fire surrounds, then you’d swear and shriek and use the broom to get the bloody, bloody, bloody parrot who had fallen down the chimney out from behind the fireplace, then you’d spend half an hour trying to catch the bloody parrot as it shrieked about the room, then you’d let it go, and in two hours time it would all start over again as the frigging parrot fell down the chimney again!!!!!!!!
For two days now the ruddy thing has been falling down the chimney. Over and over. Just when I think peace has returned to my life, the frigging fireplace starts to whistle at me again. I got to the point this morning of leaving the fire surrounds completely dismantled and have put a firescreen in front of the fireplace so I can get it out again if need be without half the hassle.
This begs the question, why not block off the top of the chimney? Well, it was blocked off, until the parrot started to break off bits of mortar with his/her beak then cast itself down into the void. So get it fixed. Yes, I will, but it will require about $900 worth of scaffolding to get to the top of this exceptionally high chimney with no good roof near it to stand on. (Just trust me on this, too hard to explain.) $900 for a ten minute job.
I am so OVER this parrot!
lol! It’s probably just trying to clean your chimney 🙂
Ha! thanks for the funny story … a parrot that thinks he’s/she’s santa – or just a helper making sure the gang way is clear for that one special night?! Good luck with the problem solving.
Um – if your sanity will hold out until the second of Jan – I think my boys and I can do it for you (we’re experienced and um rather skilled rock-climbers – doing this safely would simply involve 2 ropes, 3 harnesses and 2 belayers -which we have. I have climbed steeples and chimneys for people before – assuming it is structurally sound.) It’d cost you the materials to block the hole.
Otherwise could you not shove something up the chimney to block it — borrow a fishing rod – the kind that comes 3-4 sections and run to about 12-13 feet long to push something right up. Something parrots don’t like – my mind turns to old fertiliser bags with naphthalene – because that worked on rats for me – but I know very little about parrots. :-)I suppose lighting a fire and a bit of psittocotophagy is little barbaric.18
Hehehe what a hilarious bird! He just wants your company – bring him in, fatten him up and then he wont fit down the chimney anymore 😉
I can understand the insane-ness though, but jeez your cats would have a blast trying to get the whistling chimney, you could have a very entertaining evening there…
I’m not laughing ..honest I’m not …well chuckling very quietly …I lean toward pushing something up the chimney too….shadecloth with a bit of string to pull it down when the parrot moves away …a piece of polypipe might work??you could leave the pipe in to support the blocky thing??
By the way I just picked vine tipened roma tomatoes ..WAY too many ..got a good sauce recipe?? something that’ll keep??
Well, the rotten parrot hasn’t been back yet.
Dave, that is a very kind offer, thank you. But I am afraid the chimney probably isn’t structurally sound. Bricks fall out of it occasionally. Lime mortar is 130 years old. Why it doesn’t go over in the big storms we have down here I have no idea. I grumble at the cost of the scaffolding, but at least it keeps safe whoever does the patch job, and that’s the most important thing (well, just after the fact the chimney would take a good bit more than $900 to rebuild ;)).
Besides, health and safety laws require a scaffolding, and unfortunately my house is surrounded by those of the Lord Mayor of Hobart plus two of his senior officers. I’d have the cops screaming around trying to pull you off within ten minutes. LOL (Might be good entertainment, though. LOL)
http://www.yumyum.com/recipe.htm?ID=6340
http://www.theoldfoodie.com/2005/12/first-catch-your-cockatoo.html
http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/p/parrot_pie.asp
Just a few suggestions. 😉
I have a recurring lorikeet and kookaburra problem here, where they fly at high speed into my glass sliding door and crash to the verandah, stunned and bemused. Despite hanging chimes and spinning crystal globes etc, I have had several kookaburras lie there and stare up at me with a WTF look on their faces when I rush to investigate the loud bang.
Haha! That was a great story to start off my Monday, although I feel for you and your sanity – a few years ago I had similar problems with a possum. Thanks for the laugh, though, and remember you’re not alone!
Oh I’m sorry, but that last post had tears running down my face as I struggled to breathe – my workmates were mystified at my sudden fit!
Reminds me of the starlings that used to jump down our chimney and hop around in the firebox pecking at the glass door. IF you were lucky enough to capture the thing by slipping your hand through the just-open door, there was generally two or three backup players sitting further back in the firebox that would hurtle out to leave sooty splashes around the room…
And there are always the cows at our place that jump straight back into the drain after you’ve spent an hour or two rescuing them.
Perhaps a ‘territorial’ whistling kettle would scare him off…
grin. I can see I am going to just love ‘elf an’ safety’ regs (especially when in real terms our gear – used properly -is infinitely safer than scaffolding (and I’ve been using it for 42 years and I’m still alive – in an area where natural selection works). but the last thing I want is to cause you hassles and probably get turfed out of the country. You might consider getting them to repoint it while they’re there to stop it falling through the roof and wrecking your ceiling and floors. Actually modern stuff built by engineers or to building specs is more likely to be structurally unsound after about 50 years (I have been on two 1860-1870 house roofs and a church that was nearer 200) while time takes a toll, they overengineered and built for perpetuity. Barbs suggests a bit of balled up chicken wire shoved up it.
Oh Sara, I loved the parrot story!
It did make me laugh – thank you!
My husband says: “Has she got a BB gun?”!!!
Sara, kick some ass, life is a bitch, so find her knock her out and then step over her and do what is right for you. If you don’t feel good, tell them. Leave me alone today, i don’t want sympathy, consoling, or a guilt trip, let me grieve, fight, swear and be angry at the bitch that threw me this rope! Love to you and have just discovered your writing, and love it! Keep the garden going and count me in to rake with you when i can. Love and and sword in hand to help. Penny
And I thought our guineas were troublesome… I think Ruth might be on to something tho. If he’s so keen on visiting, maybe you can teach him to use the front door ;p
And I must say if I knew you had a blog, I’d’ve tracked down your site years ago! I’m tempted to tell my husband that we have to move to Australia now that I’m getting a glimpse of how wonderful Nonsuch is!